Dear Eating Disorder,
I have been your friend since I was 14yrs old, I have been your BEST FRIEND for 8 yrs. You have hurt me in so many ways, worse than my ex boyfriend. And thats pretty bad. You stole away my identity, sometimes its still hard to seperate me from you. We have a codependent relationship and its hard to break free from you. I want to though, I don’t want you to be my best friend. Best friends don’t hurt people like you do. I have lost so much because of you. You have taken away my real best friends from me, you’re a selfish bitch. I have cried several days and nights because of what you took away. You steal everything bit by bit and soon i’m left with nothing but you and then i start to believe you’re all I have. But i know somewhere deep inside that you are a fucking liar!! The doctors say i’m healthier…I don’t believe that…my thoughts aren’t healthier, I mean good thing I didn’t get any serious illness because of you..i’m so greatful for that. I’m greatful that I am in better shape than most. Being thin isn’t all there is to life, but you took away my life…my teenage years…so how would i know what life really is. I just know its not that. it’s not about being perfect…or trying to get there cause thats just a waste of energy. I’ll never get there! There is only one person who is perfect and it is not you!! You are far from perfect, so why the hell do I try to get what you have? I’m angry at you for making me believe that the only thing to happiness is being thinner and thinner. I’m mad that I still have a hard time getting rid of you…you’re like satan! for real. I’m going to eat what I want to eat and you’re not going to tell me anything about that!! I hate you!! just like they say, its a love/hate relationship. its true…but i dont know why i still love you…you give me that sense of control still…but i know thats twisted…why do i still believe in you? i hate yoU! i’m so angry at you…i can’t even express the anger i feel. you lied to me. you told me i’ll get to perfection…when the truth is, i won’t ever get there unless i die trying. I’m trying to be okay with my size and the way i look…i know your not and it kills me…it does. but thats why im so mad!!! i want my friends back…i want my life back…i want to enjoy life…and actually live it! You are not all there is…I could have so much more without you. I want to push you aside. I want to be in control of what i do, and how i think. there is sooo much more to say to you but i just don’t have the energy so i’m leaving it at that.
Dear ED
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